Funny Story - The World’s Funniest Real Ads

Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into newspapers all over the world:

• Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
• FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
• Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.
• For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.
• Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.
• Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
• For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
• Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
• Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
• Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
• Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.
• Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.
• Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
• Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
• Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.
• Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.
• Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.
• Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.
• Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.
• Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts
• Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.
• Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.
• ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.
• Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.
• Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.
• Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
• German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.
• Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.
• Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products."
• Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.
• Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once.
• Hummels – Largest selection ever. "If it’s in stock, then we have it!"
• 1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.
• Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.
• Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club.
• Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.

Catch a Rabbit

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in.

They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in.

After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in.

They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Some Hilarious Leave Applications

Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."

This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"As I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."

A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

Another leave letter written to the headmaster:"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.