Funny Story - The World’s Funniest Real Ads

Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into newspapers all over the world:

• Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
• FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
• Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.
• For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.
• Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.
• Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
• For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
• Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
• Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
• Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
• Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.
• Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.
• Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
• Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
• Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.
• Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.
• Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.
• Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.
• Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.
• Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts
• Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.
• Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.
• ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.
• Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.
• Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.
• Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
• German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.
• Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.
• Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products."
• Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.
• Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once.
• Hummels – Largest selection ever. "If it’s in stock, then we have it!"
• 1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.
• Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.
• Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club.
• Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.